Nerd of All Nerds
This next installment of "Bridgeton Legends" comes to us all the way from Germany, courtesy of Jared, who writes: "I think it's only fair that I tell this story since I am the one who actually holds the title."
The title, believe it or not, is "Nerd of All Nerds." This story is one of the all-time greatest hits of our childhood. It's a coming-of-age tale on par with "The Catcher in the Rye." Only "Nerd of All Nerds" is much, much better. And now, without further adieu...
Nerd of All Nerds
by Jared
When I was in elementary school my friends Kyle and Ryan held memberships to a private swim club called Georgetown. Every summer Kyle, Zak, Ryan and I would spend our days at Georgetown enjoying the summer sun where the girls were plentiful. This particular pool had a deep and shallow end, sliding board and two diving boards. It was on the high dive that I would earn my title.
One particular sunny, humid day Ryan, Zak, Kyle and I arrived at the pool ready for fun. As soon as we arrived I noticed that the Winnie Cooper of our childhood was there with a friend.
After getting changed and stowing our gear in a locker we hit the pool ready for a good time. I found myself on the diving boards practicing my sad attempts at cannon balls and flips while other more talented guys where doing 1 1/2's to perfection. After a few trips off the boards I noticed that Winnie was hanging out in the deep end of the pool watching the fellas take their turns at diving in.
A great idea hit me. I checked out the more talented divers and thought, "Hey, I can do that. Maybe Winnie will see me and think I'm cool." So, with that thought, I took the long trek up the ladder to the high dive. I paused for a moment to visualize my flip which would finish with a perfect dive into the cool water below. I took a deep breath, ran toward the end and thrusted myself off the platform with all my might. I flipped once, came around the second time and prepared to straighten out for my entrance into the water. Only, the water didn't wait. The water met my chest at a perfect angle for what resulted in the loudest SMACK ever heard at Georgetown. It was like a sonic boom. I immediately felt the pain, not only of embarrassment but physical, as well. I could not breath and sunk to the bottom of the pool hoping no one had witnessed the act and would forget about it by the time I surfaced.
Eventually I rose to the top of the water and swam to the ladder. I distinctively remember the life guard yelling, "Are you alright?" It was at that point that Winnie Cooper announced, "He is the nerd of all nerds."
Job well done on my part. I came away from the experience with a title, embarrassment and a lot of laughs. Good times.
E-mail stories to getaholdofkyle@yahoo.com
The title, believe it or not, is "Nerd of All Nerds." This story is one of the all-time greatest hits of our childhood. It's a coming-of-age tale on par with "The Catcher in the Rye." Only "Nerd of All Nerds" is much, much better. And now, without further adieu...
Nerd of All Nerds
by Jared
When I was in elementary school my friends Kyle and Ryan held memberships to a private swim club called Georgetown. Every summer Kyle, Zak, Ryan and I would spend our days at Georgetown enjoying the summer sun where the girls were plentiful. This particular pool had a deep and shallow end, sliding board and two diving boards. It was on the high dive that I would earn my title.
One particular sunny, humid day Ryan, Zak, Kyle and I arrived at the pool ready for fun. As soon as we arrived I noticed that the Winnie Cooper of our childhood was there with a friend.
After getting changed and stowing our gear in a locker we hit the pool ready for a good time. I found myself on the diving boards practicing my sad attempts at cannon balls and flips while other more talented guys where doing 1 1/2's to perfection. After a few trips off the boards I noticed that Winnie was hanging out in the deep end of the pool watching the fellas take their turns at diving in.
A great idea hit me. I checked out the more talented divers and thought, "Hey, I can do that. Maybe Winnie will see me and think I'm cool." So, with that thought, I took the long trek up the ladder to the high dive. I paused for a moment to visualize my flip which would finish with a perfect dive into the cool water below. I took a deep breath, ran toward the end and thrusted myself off the platform with all my might. I flipped once, came around the second time and prepared to straighten out for my entrance into the water. Only, the water didn't wait. The water met my chest at a perfect angle for what resulted in the loudest SMACK ever heard at Georgetown. It was like a sonic boom. I immediately felt the pain, not only of embarrassment but physical, as well. I could not breath and sunk to the bottom of the pool hoping no one had witnessed the act and would forget about it by the time I surfaced.
Eventually I rose to the top of the water and swam to the ladder. I distinctively remember the life guard yelling, "Are you alright?" It was at that point that Winnie Cooper announced, "He is the nerd of all nerds."
Job well done on my part. I came away from the experience with a title, embarrassment and a lot of laughs. Good times.
E-mail stories to getaholdofkyle@yahoo.com
posted by Kyle at 8:43 AM
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